Just a Number
by Jediempress
Summary: It's Cloud's birthday again and he and Leon discuss what it means to feel old. CloudRiku, ZackLeon. For both Cloud and Squall's birthdays. COMPLETE.


Something I threw together for BOTH Cloud and Squall's birthdays (Aug 19, Aug 23). Obviously this follows my timeline of things. Thank you, Sassy for the help (love you).

-sigh- no, I still don't own the guys.

Leave a note, okay?

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Just a Number

"I hate this damn cart." Cloud Strife muttered as he returned to pick up the last delivery for the day from the warehouse. An uncommonly large shipment had come in that morning, over 400 boxes and other items, and apparently he had been the only one available to distribute them. Due to the narrow streets and reasonably short distances to all points in the main town proper, he was required to use a large, wooden cart that he felt completely ridiculous pushing around.

He did not expect anyone to be in the warehouse, the workers had left for other rooms as soon as the shipment was unloaded and they had collected what was going out to the worksites and city utilities, so when he heard a soft, amused chuckle he was a bit startled. He glanced over and found Leon leaning over the large table of the shipping/receiving area. He did not speak to the other man and continued to the last stack of boxes and items.

"Get Zack to build you a nicer one," Leon commented, signing a paper, likely the shipping manifest.

"I'm not Aerith." The blond began loading the cart. "I don't know how she does it but she just wraps men around her little finger."

"I noticed. It's a good thing she only uses her power for good." Leon removed a clipboard from the wall and attached to it the papers he just signed. "Where are you taking that last load?"

"The hot dog stand." Cloud wrestled a new ice machine onto the cart. "And then I'm going home. This is enough work for one day."

Leon re-hung the board and turned toward his friend. "Given what today is, I'll let you."

Cloud narrowed his eyes a bit. "Did Zack…?"

"No," The sable-haired man walked toward him. "I remembered it was your birthday all on my own, thank you. I'm organized like that."

Cloud gave him a look. He had gone out of his way to not remind anyone that today was his birthday. Obviously, Riku had remembered, his husband had given him part of his present early this morning before they got out of bed, but so far no one else had said anything about it. He never much cared for birthdays and this one in particular was one that he did not want any fuss over.

Cloud Strife turned thirty today.

Leon stopped about a foot away from him and folded his arms. "Happy birthday."

"You haven't told anyone else, have you?"

"No, and I know that Zack hasn't either. He decided that was the best present he could give you."

"It is," Cloud agreed gratefully. "If I'm really lucky, Yuffie will have forgotten."

"She hasn't said anything." Leon went over to the last box and picked it up. He settled it on the cart for Cloud. "I'll help you with this and buy you lunch."

"You don't have to."

"Of course I don't," The younger man said amicably. "Now get pushing."

Cloud made a noise but got behind the cart and pushed it back toward the door. Leon fell into place beside him and the pair headed quietly out onto the street. Cloud did not like admitting to it but he felt like less of a dork pushing the cart around with Leon there with him.

"You got anything planned for tonight?"

Cloud shrugged a little. "Riku will probably make something but I told him I really didn't want to make a big deal out of it."

"I'm surprised that Zack hasn't pushed for anything," Leon spoke softly. "He knows better than anyone outside of Tifa what today is yet I haven't heard a word from him about trying to do anything to celebrate it."

"Really?"

"No, he's been strangely quiet about it." The sable-haired man shrugged a little, glancing over. "Maybe he figures that since it's your thirtieth, you'd be extra sensitive about it."

Making a soft noise, Cloud fixed his attention on the street ahead of them. "It's no different than any other birthday."

"So the whole thirty thing doesn't affect you at all?"

The blond did not answer right away. He loathed to admit it, but it did bother him. He didn't know why exactly but there was just something about the age that made him feel… old. It was ridiculous but there it was. "I wouldn't say that."

"You are aware that it's just a number, right?"

"Yes," Cloud shot back snidely. "And I know it's stupid but… I don't know. When I was younger, all I wanted was to be worth something. I went to Midgar to join SOLDIER so I could make Mom proud, to get people to pay attention to me, it wasn't because I had this desire to help people or anything noble like that, I just wanted to feel like I had some kind of significance somewhere. That one decision completely changed my life.

"Ten years of my life are a blur, four of those I lost completely. These past few years… my life has finally returned to some normalcy, or at least what most people would call that. I'm married to an amazing man, have an incredible family of friends, a good job and stable income…. Why do I feel like I've somehow wasted my life?"

"You've done more with your life than any normal person could. How many times did you save The Planet? How many times did you save your friends? Hell, can you even count how many times you stopped Sephiroth during his insanity?"

"Yeah, I know, I've done a lot of epic things but…" Cloud took a moment to collect his thoughts. "What about all the small, _normal_ stuff? I wasted so much time distancing myself from the people who loved me, who I loved and what did it get me? A lot of regret. I don't know if I've been able to make up for any of that."

Leon was certain he knew exactly who Cloud was talking about. "Tifa and the kids adore you. They understand that you were going through some things and when you got them figured out, you were right there. The way Tifa, Marlene and Denzel remember it, even when you were distant, you always made a point to make sure they had what they needed and took care of them."

"I guess. I still feel like I should have done more."

"I think that's something everyone feels at some point." Leon moved his head a bit in a not-quite-shrug.

"Maybe." The older man clearly did not believe that. They fell silent as they entered the Marketplace and crossed the main square. Upon reaching the other side, blue eyes flicked toward his friend. "Your birthday's next week."

"Yeah, it is." Leon confirmed. He very sternly looked at Cloud. "And no one better remind Yuffie. Zell and Irvine have both been warned."

Cloud made a dismissive gesture with his neck and shoulders. "Hey, you know I don't get involved in that shit. You're as bad with the birthday thing as I am."

Leon fixed his attention back on the narrow road ahead. "Yeah, well, you're not the only one with life-content issues."

"Meaning…?"

Taking a short breath, Leon explained. "Next week I'll be twenty-five, Cloud. For as long as I can remember, I've been doing _something_. First I was devoted to SeeD and taking down Ultimecia, then almost right after the Heartless came. I threw myself into making Traverse Town someplace habitable and then into the restoration here. I can honestly say that I don't recall any time when I wasn't working for the greater good.

"Like you, I've always distanced myself from others but I did it by throwing myself into work and the like; I pretty much covered my need for friends and family with it. After all of you came into my life, Zack especially, I've come to realize I've done almost nothing in my life simply because I wanted to. I don't regret my choices but there are times when I wonder what it would be like to just say fuck it all and take a year to myself."

"Squall Leonhart being selfish?" Cloud smirked. "I think that's the first sign of Armageddon."

"Funny, Strife."

The swordsman chuckled, maneuvering the cart around the tight corner of the side street the hot dog stand was on. "I get what you mean about the year off. Honestly, I'm shocked you haven't burned out. I could never have done what you have."

"That's because you shut down with grief." Leon declared casually. "I become obsessively motivated."

"Something tells me that neither one of those is very healthy."

"Probably not."

They came up to the small stand and found both Riku and Zack sitting at one of the tables. The duo was both wearing sunglasses and did not look over but Cloud and Leon knew they were aware of their presence. Their significant others simply continued talking.

"Hey, guys," Zell greeted from behind the counter. "I was wondering how long it would be before you got here with the stuff. Oh, the ice machine came in!"

Cloud rolled his eyes as he brought the cart to the side of the stand where the storage room was. Leon gave his long-time friend an amused look. "Only you would get excited about an ice machine."

Zell rushed over to take a look at what else was piled on the cart. "Hey, this little stand may not be much but me and Sora have put a lot of ourselves into it. You have what makes you happy, I have mine."

Leon could not find an argument with that.

"I'll unload this stuff," Zell informed Cloud, peeking into a box. "Sora should be here in a minute."

"Fine by me." Cloud backed away and left the other blond to his task. He and Leon headed over to the table where Riku and Zack were sitting. He ran his hand along the back of Riku's shoulders as he passed behind him and took one of the empty seats. Leon subtly brushed Zack's shoulder before he took the last free chair.

"Hey," Zack greeted them with a wide grin. He reached over and rubbed at Leon's knee. "What have you two been up to?"

"What do you think?" Cloud scowled slightly. "Some of us actually have real jobs around here, Zack."

"Aw," the raven-haired man grinned obnoxiously. "Is someone cranky cause it's their birthday?"

"Zack…"

"Relax, Cloud, there's no one else to hear."

"And," Riku tugged at the long spike of blond hair that hung before Cloud's ear. "We were good and haven't mentioned either of your birthdays to anyone."

"So if anyone bugs you about it, it's because they love you enough to remember it." Zack shook his head. "I still don't get why people don't like a fuss made on their birthday."

"I don't like fusses in general." Leon announced quietly.

"Well, yeah, I kinda figured that out, hon." The former SOLDIER smirked at his lover's expression. Leon hated using pet names. "But, doesn't it make you feel just a little good to have someone acknowledge the day you were born?"

Both Leon and Cloud shrugged indifferently.

Riku glanced over Leon's shoulder, smiling. "Well, I'm glad both of you were born and I know I'm not the only one."

Before any of the others could look, Sora bounded up and stopped between Cloud and Leon. With a toothy grin and a flourish, he placed a plate of chocolate cupcakes down on the table. "Me, too!"

Zack laughed loudly and smacked the table. "I knew we weren't the only ones who remembered!"

"Course not." Sora folded his arms. "We all remember today's Cloud's birthday and next week is Leon's. And, yes, we all have plans for them, however, they're small so neither of you can complain."

Cloud and Leon exchanged brief looks and sighed. They knew better than to argue about this with any of them, especially Sora. If the spiky brunet was telling them the truth, then there was not a problem. Understated celebrations of their birthdays would be not only tolerable but, and neither would admit to it, appreciated.

"Whatdya want for lunch?" Sora asked as he turned for the stand's cooking area. "The usuals?"

"Sounds good." Leon spoke as Cloud nodded. They had gotten in the habit of ordering the same thing each time they came; Leon getting the chicken fajita quesadilla and Cloud the loaded double dog.

"Cool." Sora glanced over his shoulder. "I'm glad you aren't doing the 'oh my god, I'm thirty so I better start changing my whole life' crap, Cloud."

Cloud exhaled harshly and slumped a little in his chair. "Thanks for reminding me, Sora. Appreciate it."

"Oh, please." Riku rolled his eyes at his husband. "How many times do I have to remind you age is just a freaking number?"

"Especially for you." Zack added, picking up one of the cupcakes and smearing some of the white frosting onto a finger. "The only one here that has to worry about aging is Squall."

"Thanks, Zack."

"Well, it's true!" He exclaimed. "When your fifty and getting wrinkles and your hair is turning gray at the temples, we'll all still be pretty much the same. And Riku's probably gonna age even slower than me and Cloud."

Cloud exchanged another look with Leon and it was obvious they were both getting annoyed by the conversation. "You do realize you aren't helping any, Zack."

"I guess not." Zack's face twisted up. It straightened out almost immediately. "The point is, neither of you are old."

"Not physically," muttered Cloud, reaching over and picking up Riku's soda to take a drink of it.

"So, the problem is that you know you aren't old but you feel old?" Riku asked in clear confusion.

"Yes." Cloud and Leon stated together, hoping that this would be the end of it.

This time, Riku and Zack were giving each other looks. Zack shrugged. "I don't get it."

"It's not the years, Zack," Leon explained. "It's the mileage."

"Oh." Riku's aqua eyes lit up in understanding.

"Yeah." Cloud rubbed lightly at the younger man's shoulder.

"I still say it's all in your heads." Zack finished off the cupcake he had been picking at. "You're only as old as you feel."

"I have to agree with Zack on this one." Riku seconded. "If you act young sometimes, it'll keep you young."

"Of course it isn't easy to do when you keep dwelling on the past." Zack gave his and Riku's significant others meaningful looks. "Which both of you still do too much of."

"They've made a lot of progress though," noted Riku. "They're way better than they were a few years ago."

"Oh, definitely but they still have some ways to go with it."

Riku and Zack continued to list off things they felt that Cloud and Leon needed to work on. Apparently they felt there was a lot. When Sora brought their food, they were still on the subject.

Leon angled his head slightly at Cloud, who lifted a blond eyebrow back. Steel-colored eyes flicked toward the plate between them and Cloud smiled lightly. Instead of their lunches, they each picked up a cupcake…

…and smushed them into their respective significant other's face.

Riku and Zack stopped talking instantly, expressions stunned. Sora, who was filling a napkin dispenser on the next table over, nearly fell out of his chair laughing. Cloud and Leon returned to their lunches, taking up a bit and saluting each other.

"Happy birthday, Cloud."

"Happy birthday, Leon."


End file.
